Zuko's 12 Days of Christmas
by ZutarianNaiad
Summary: Twelve days till Christams and Zuko's biggest fangirl takes the opportunity to shower him with unwanted gifts. Zuko's laments, set to the 12 Days of Christmas! Satirical ZuOC, chapterverse posted per day until Christmas. All ships are welcome!
1. Fanfiction About Me

Disclaimer: I own nothing except the writing.

* * *

On the First Day of Christmas

My fangirl gave to me

A fan-fiction about me.

* * *

"This fan fiction will be epic! Love! Betrayal! Action packed!" Mary ranted to the Microsoft Word Paper Clip, her bright blue eyes twinkling. "Hold on Zuko, for the time of your life! What exactly will happen, you ask? Hah! It's completely original! A beautiful girl snatched from her own world where Zuko is just a story she'd come to love and taken to Zuko's world! There she has strange new powers—and Zuko will fall in love at first sight of course."

The Paper Clip made no response. Mary stood and looked at her profile in the mirror on the back of her Fire-Nation decorated door. She tied her short blond hair back and critically analyzed her profile. "Let's see… thinner, taller, but she'll still have my hair, eyes, wit, and originality. Still needs a name… Ma-Ree Su! Perfect!" Mary went back to her Avatar-sticker covered laptop and began to write.

"Of course it needs a title… Ying and Yang: Zuko's True Love… Too long… Just simple, original Ying and Yang… This will be the best Zuko/OC fic ever! Mm, rated T…."

* * *

"Hey boss!" a palace servant said, coming over to the young Fire Lord. "Got another Fan Fiction for you! This one's a whopper!" Zuko rolled his eyes as he took the report without bothering to open it.

"It can't be worse than a few of the other ones," he said opening the folder. Zuko blanched,

"It's like she's plagiarizing the worst of all the bad ones," the servant said, pouring water of Zuko's flaming fists and watching as the report smoked and steamed.

"Why?" Zuko muttered. "Why not the earthbender with the mustache or the wheelchair kid or the Water Tribe idiot? Why _me_?" The servant shrugged.

"Your work's cut out for you here, boss. Merry Christmas."

"Bah humbug."

* * *

A/N: Warning, this fic is a satire on exaggeratedly, insanely obsessed fangirls, ZuSue pairings, and hyperactive fangirls on the whole. If you are one, I'm sorry if I have offended you. If you are not one, this should be downright hilarious. Will update once a day until Christmas if circumstances allow.

In Christ,

ZFF


	2. 2 New Ships

Disclaimer: Still own nothing except the writing.

* * *

On the First Day of Christmas

My fangirl gave to me

A fan-fiction about me.

On the Second Day of Christmas

My fangirl gave to me

Two new ships,

And a fan-fiction about me.

* * *

"Okay…" Mary muttered to herself over a jumble of scribbles notes and pictures of herself pasted onto printouts of screen caps featuring Zuko. "This needs ships, and something original… Al least I have my trusty Wheel-o-Shipping."

Mary dug underneath the pile for what looked like a Twister™ spinner with female characters head pasted around the edges. "I'll need some girl that Zuko dumps in the beginning for Ma-Ree Su," she said, giving it a spin. "Hamma, the crazy waterbender lady. Nope. Too old." She spun again. "Zuko Meng? Sure, why not?"

Mary wrote the pair down on a sticky note and spun again. "And this person will be his temptation to leave Ma-Ree Su." The spinner stuck between Yue and June so Mary spun again. "Hope? Why do I even have the little Serpent's Pass baby on here?" Mary spun again, more fervently. "Joo-Dee? Meh. Better than Ummi."

* * *

"Boss, I've got some news… And you're not going to like it," a palace servant called through Zuko's study door.

"What now?!" Zuko yelled as the servant walked in, pushing two ladies in front of him.

"Side interests," the servant said and the two girls started making sickening eyes at the poor young monarch.

"Smallest ears I've ever seen… But they're pretty cute," Meng commented, blushing. Joo-Dee furnished a cushion to thwart Zuko's efforts to slowly destroy his desk by banging his head on the center.

"Why me?" he mumbled.

* * *

A/N: Wow, I got some feedback fast! Thanks so much! And strangely enough I'm a fan of Meng's… All's fair in exaggeration and satire, I guess. : )

In Christ,

ZFF


	3. 3 Bending Powers

Disclaimer: I own only the writing itself, not the canon characters or the song.

* * *

On the First Day of Christmas

My fangirl gave to me

A fan-fiction about me.

On the Second Day of Christmas

My fangirl gave to me

Two new ships,

And a fan-fiction about me.

On the Third Day of Christmas

My fangirl gave to me

Three bending powers,

Two new ships,

And a fan-fiction about me.

* * *

_"Ma-Ree Su… when I'm aro_u_nd you, I feel __like I could stop time or fly or…" Zuko paused. "Or… or… _Ahem_?"_

Mary glared at her computer screen. "Come on, Mary. You can think of one more bending power. Think…" She frowned for a moment more then shrugged and reached beneath her bed for another device keenly akin to a Twister™ spinner with things pasted on it. She spun and it landed between shadow bending and light bending. Mary shook the spinner in frustration and spun again.

"Will bending? Works for me."

_Zuko took Ma-Ree's hands and lead her beneath a flowering sakura tree._

_"Ma-Ree Su… when I'm around you, I feel like I could stop time or fly or even conquer the world…" Ma-Ree gasped._

_"Zuko! I can't believe it! You're a __fire bender__, gravity bender, time bender, and will bender!" Ma-Ree said, enraptured—_

"I didn't have the word 'enraptured' in there!" Mary complained to one of her younger sisters whom she had proof reading her chapter.

"Tch—you should be thanking me," Emily answered. "Especially you're writing's so bad that everyone else has refused to read it. How did Mary even know he got these super-cheesy bending powers anyway? If Zuko's under a sakura tree with your Mary-Sue who is your avatar in the Avatar world, saying he feels like he can do incredible things is hardly any basis for jumping to that kind of a conclusion. I mean, Christine would have erased the chapter by now," Emily finished, referring to her twin.

"Just shut up and take enraptured out. My adoring fans will know what I mean," Mary said, glowering at her younger sister.

* * *

"Boss?" the palace servant asked, bringing three cups of tea into the Fire Lord's study for the love interests in Mary's story. Zuko glared daggers at the servant from his position stuck on the ceiling. 

"Get these three swooning buffoon out of my study and find me a gravity bending master," he barked. The servant went into a trance and dragged the three women out of Zuko's study, stopped along the way several times by the Fire Lord's not yet controllable time-stopping skills.

Alone in his study with the tea, Zuko walked along the roof to a spot above his desk and attempted to reach the cups. Not quite tall enough, Zuko jumped.

And at that moment came back into the regular phase of gravity and slammed on the mahogany furniture.

_"Why me?"_ he asked, dejectedly reaching for the remains of one cup and sipping what dregs were left.

* * *

A/N: Not much to say about this. Here's to underappreciated ppl and siblings! (And an apology goes out to Zuko for the pain I put him though for gags.) 

In Christ,

ZFF


	4. 4 Conquered Nations

Disclaimer: I own only original characters (though the name Ma-Ree Su is free for use to anyone).

* * *

On the First Day of Christmas 

My fangirl gave to me

A fan-fiction about me.

---

On the Second Day of Christmas

My fangirl gave to me

Two new ships,

And a fan-fiction about me.

---

On the Third Day of Christmas

My fangirl gave to me

Three bending powers,

Two new ships,

And a fan-fiction about me.

---

On the Fourth Day of Christmas

My fangirl gave to me

Four conquered nations,

Three bending powers,

Two new ships,

And a fan-fiction about me.

* * *

"_Zuko!" It's incredible that you conquered all the nations in just one week!" Ma-Ree Su yelled._

"_I know! And I did it all for you, Ma-Ree Su," Zuko said. "We can get ice cream from the Water Tribes, diamonds from the Earth Kingdom, ceiling fans from the Air Nomads, and all the best stuff from the Fire Nation."_

"_Oh, Zuko…"_

"Oh my aching stomach," Emily moaned as she deleted the chapter.

"What are you doing?!" Mary asked, aghast at her younger sister.

"Write it again. How did Zuko conquer all the nations? Why the junk are the Air Nomads making home appliances? And what happened to Iroh?" the twin protested.

"Iroh's dead. Azula killed him," Mary stated.

"_What?!_" Christine squeaked as she passed by the door, stopping dead to stare at her sisters. "When did that happen?"

"I was going to work it in as a flashback," Mary said.

"Just rewrite the stupid chapter and explain how and why Zuko conquered all the nations? He already rules the Fire Nation for Pete's sake!" Emily interjected, rolling off of her sister's bed.

_Zuko looked at the map. It showed all four nations. He had just conquered with his mind-bending powers. He looked at his beloved Ma-Ree Su and said, "Here—I did it all for you. Everything is yours."_

"_Oh Zuko," __Mary __Ma-Ree said, snuggling into him.

* * *

_

"YOU GET AWAY FROM ME OR I SWEAR I WILL BRING PAIN UPON YOUR SOUL THE LIKES OF WHICH HAS NEVER BEEN FELT BEFORE!!!" Zuko yelled at Mary's doppelganger that was chasing him frantically, waving a printout.

"The fic says I snuggle into you! Come feel the love, Zuzu! Zu-muffin! Zu-cakes!" the girl yelled, jumping over a flaming tiger pit to chase the young monarch. "Come back so we can snuggle!"

"Boss?" asked a palace servant as Zuko approached him. Struck with an idea, Zuko pulled off his cloak and threw it over the servant's shoulders, throwing him at Ma-Ree Su. She reflexively hugged the servant as Zuko pulled ahead.

Zuko locked himself in his study, fuming and burning every fan-related article in his office. A knock finally came to the door.

"Boss? It's I—no one else; no Mary-Sues or other ships or anybody." Zuko opened the door and found the servant had several lipstick prints and a slap mark over his left eye. "Boss—the four conquered nations have banded together in a massive coup. So far they've detained Ma-Ree Su and are threatening to put you into her cell once they find you."

Zuko's eye twitched for a moment, and then he began laughing hysterically.

"At least it can't get any worse!" he laughed, eye still twitching.

"And the author, Mary-Something, has apparently spent an afternoon eating chocolate, watching chick-flicks, and reading Meg Cabot novels and fan-fiction," the servant added. Zuko stopped laughing and his eye was still for a moment. He calmly walked over to the window of his study, opened the windows, took a large breath, and began to yell:

**"Why me? Of anyone in the world, it had to be me. Why?"

* * *

**

A/N: Next chapter goes with the "Five Gold Rings" verse. I'm going to have fun with that one… And thanks so much to the reviewers.  You make me smile! (The box was a smilely face.)

In Christ,

ZFF


	5. 5 Kissing Scenes

Disclaimer: I don't own Avatar. Shocker!

* * *

On the First Day of Christmas

My fangirl gave to me

A fan-fiction about me.

ooo

On the Second Day of Christmas

My fangirl gave to me

Two new ships,

And a fan-fiction about me.

ooo

On the Third Day of Christmas

My fangirl gave to me

Three bending powers,

Two new ships,

And a fan-fiction about me.

ooo

On the Fourth Day of Christmas

My fangirl gave to me

Four conquered nations,

Three bending powers,

Two new ships,

And a fan-fiction about me.

ooo

On the Fifth Day of Christmas

My fangirl gave to me

Five… kissing scenes!

Four conquered nations,

Three bending powers,

Two new ships,

And a fan-fiction about me.

* * *

"_Oh, Zuko… Out here, with you, everything just seems so right…" Ma-Ree Su said _**contentedly as she leaned into the young Fire Lord.** _She looked up into his _**golden **_eyes _**drinking in the scene.**_ Zuko leaned down and kissed her like he'd never kissed anyone before—especially not Mai or Jin or anybody else because he always knew he deserved to be with Ma_**-Ree**

_O—O—O—O—O_

"_Would you like to dance?" Zuko asked suavely._

"_I don't know how to dance," Ma-Ree said sheepishly. She'd won every dancing competition she'd ever competed in (on a monthly basis right after figure skating championships, but here with Zuko she wasn't sure if she could move her feet at all._

"_I'm a good teacher," Zuko said, pulling the girl to her feet. He _**drew**_ her to the dance floor and led her thr_**ough **_the steps, leading her to a secluded balcony._

"_So that's all there is to this dance? You know, I was a champion dancer back home," Ma_**-Ree**_ told Zuko as he pulled her into his arms as a slow dance began to play._

"_There's just one more thing to that dance," Zuko said, looking into Ma-Ree's eyes. They both closed their eyes and kissed._

_O—O—O—O—O_

"_Sooo… The world's conquered. We've seen all the __DVDs_**plays in the kabuki house.**_ What do you want to do now?" Ma-Ree Su asked Zuko._

"_Simple—" Zuko answered, pulling Ma_**-Ree**_ close and kissing her sweetly. "We go on a date."_

_O—O—O—O—O_

"_And another thing, Zuko—why do you always firebend when you could be _**hang**_ing out with me?" Ma-Ree Su asked, with her arms crossed._

"_I know what will shut her up," Zuko thought as he stood and walked over to his girlfriend, soon to be fiancée', soon to be wife._

"_And another thing—"Ma-Ree Su started before Zuko's powerful kiss cut her off. "Shut up and kiss me again."_

_O—O—O—O—O_

"_Ma-Ree Su, you're the most perfect, most powerful, smartest, coolest, most beautiful, and best kisser I've ever known. Will you be my Fire Lady?" Though all she wanted to do was say yes, Ma_**-Ree **_couldn't make a sound._

"_Just kiss me if you say yes," Zuko added. Before he'd finished the sentence, Ma-Ree had already launched herself at him and was kissing Zuko for all she was worth. Zuko hungrily returned her kisses—_

"Ugh! I think I'm gonna be sick!" Christine exclaimed, pushing her sister's laptop away. Mary set her pint of ice cream (which she had been dutifully stuffing her face with) down and collected the device. She then noticed that her younger sister was still talking.

"How much more OC can you get? This is not worth an hour with your Wii!" Christine ranted, shivering as though revolted.

"Yeah—" Emily piped up. "We also demand eight ounces of chocolate a piece and another hour on the Wii since we share the one hour anyway."

"Hey—" Mary interrupted, turning her computer screen to her younger sisters. "What's with all the bold stuff?"

"Those are corrections," Christine answered. "Half the time you had 'Mary' in for 'Ma-Ree.'"

"Same difference," Mary said, unabashed. She began looking through the document. "What about the other bolded stuff? I know I didn't have the word 'hanging' in there."

"The other stuff was just plain bad, so I made it better," Emily donated, walking over to her eldest sister's side.

"Oh—and what was with that overall? What was going on? I mean, the things were totally unrelated and pretty stupid. It was just about, what, five kiss scenes?" Christine said from Mary's bed, absentmindedly playing with Mary's Momo plushie as Emily inched away from the girl holding the laptop.

"After all the fanfics I read yesterday and all that other stuff with the chick-flicks, I needed to get these kissing scenes out. Get away from the ice cream, Em. I will write both you twins into this fic as one of those stupid Mary Sues that Mike & Bryan keep throwing at Zuko," Mary warned her younger sister, who defiantly took out two spoons and began consuming Mary's ice cream with her twin.

"Fine. Who wants to be Song and who wants to be Jin? Or Katara—she'd the biggest Mary Sue of them all." Mary said sarcastically.

"One, Song is cooler than your OC could ever be!" Christine pointed out between spoonfuls of cookie dough ice cream. "Two, Jin was just a normal girl with a crush on a boy. And three, Katara is not a Mary Sue."

"Whatever." Emily gave the ice cream back and claimed her sister's Wii, promptly leaving with Christine.

"At least you appreciate me, don't you, Zuko?" Mary asked her computer desktop, a fan art of Zuko.

* * *

"Where is Combustion Man? I've got a contract for him!" Zuko yelled through the bars of his cell. He'd managed to knock out and tie up Ma-Ree Su, though she seemed to have awoken due to his yelling. Zuko watched anxiously as she began inching her way over to where he stood.

"Make that two! I've got two contracts for Combustion Man!" Zuko yelled in earnest. Seeing a large, muscular shadow, Zuko inhaled with glee. "The assassin is here!"

"No, Boss, it's just me. And I've got five lemons for you," a servant called from the stairwell.

"FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS RIGHT, STAY AWAY FROM ME!" Zuko yelled, firebending a protective ring around himself.

"No sir! Citrus-lemons! Your Uncle sent lemons and honey with tea to soothe your throat from all the yelling!" The servant shouted over the roar of the flames. Zuko let down his ring of protective fire ring and accepted the tray with a resigned "oh."

"Also, the author has written five completely unrelated kissing scenes," the servant told him. Ma-Ree Su broke from Zuko's knots in a feat of superhuman strength and tackled Zuko to s sitting position and began to pour him tea with a look of catlike contentment.

"I hate you so much right now it hurts," Zuko told the servant as he accepted his first cup. "Oh, for the love of fire, why me?"

* * *

A/N: Poor abused Emily and Christine… having to beta for a bad writer just for time using her Wii…. Anywho, hope you enjoyed it! (And the lemon tea goes out to pureangel86. XD)

In Christ,

ZFF


	6. 6 Fans AFoaming

Disclaimer: Any resemblance between screennames used in this chapter and actual existing aliases is pure coincidence and totally accidental. And I don't own Avatar.

* * *

On the First Day of Christmas 

My fangirl gave to me

A fan-fiction about me.

* * *

On the Second Day of Christmas 

My fangirl gave to me

Two new ships,

And a fan-fiction about me.

* * *

On the Third Day of Christmas 

My fangirl gave to me

Three bending powers,

Two new ships,

And a fan-fiction about me.

* * *

On the Fourth Day of Christmas 

My fangirl gave to me

Four conquered nations,

Three bending powers,

Two new ships,

And a fan-fiction about me.

* * *

On the Fifth Day of Christmas 

My fangirl gave to me

Five… kissing scenes!

Four conquered nations,

Three bending powers,

Two new ships,

And a fan-fiction about me.

On the Sixth Day of Christmas

* * *

My fangirl gave to me 

Six fans a-foaming,

Five… kissing scenes!

Four conquered nations,

Three bending powers,

Two new ships,

And a fan-fiction about me.

* * *

"What are you doing?" Christine asked her sister as she giddily bounced up and down in front of her computer. 

"I have fans! Incredible, giant fans!" Mary chirped, leaping over to her sister and dragging the younger girl to stare at her computer screen. "Check out the reviews!"

"All these flamers are your 'fans'?" Christine inquired, scanning the reviews page.

"No—not those losers. Check out the review at the top, one bit further down near the middle, second from last, next page there's one a third of the way down, and third page there are two right next to each other in the middle."

"I've never seen so many flames in my life…" Christine murmured awed. "Hey! That's one of Emily's screennames! And there's another of hers!"

"What?" Mary asked, her reverie broken.

"Nothing. Oh my word—look at the screennames! 'MaRySuElUrVe100'? 'shippinsuewithzuko'? 'FireLadyMarySue111'? '-foamsforsues-'? 'soinlurvewithzukothe3rd'? 'ZUTRULOVE'? And these people actually like your fic?"

"What's not to like?" Mary asked beaming. "They're all, like, insane for it! They say it's the most accurate Zuko they've seen! I'm writing them into the fic as the world's most powerful benders and they get to rule at Zuko's and Ma-Ree Su's side!"

Christine was silent.

"Anyway, Emily and I want to borrow your Wii on the fact that we decided our new two-hours of Wii per chapter beta-ed policy was retroactive." Mary ignored her sister, apparently since such a subject as borrowing the device didn't make it into her parameter of ignorant bliss. Christine wrote a sticky-note and liberated the device.

* * *

"Boss! I have great news!" the servant yelled, running excitedly down the dungeon steps. 

"The Essence-of-Evil-Who-Puts-Azula-to-Shame has fallen in love with the Water Tribe boy and has decided to kill me off?" Zuko guessed.

"Actually, this doesn't involve your certain doom," the servant notified him.

"Drat," Zuko sulked.

"The world's six most powerful benders are here. They've taken the coup by storm and are here to liberate you! You're Fire Lord again!"

Zuko shrugged. "Good enough. Off," he ordered Ma-Ree Su. This turned out to be one of the few moments when his will-bending powers worked on her. Ma-Ree Su got off his shoulder and stood a foot away from him for a moment. Zuko heard approaching footsteps—light footsteps, yet footsteps nonetheless. He rose to greet his rescuers with a broad smile—

—And his scarred face fell drastically.

There stood before him six ladies—the youngest barely twelve, the oldest looking to be twenty-four. The youngest was dressed in Earth Kingdom green, the next two were obviously firebenders, the next dressed in Water Tribe blue with several water skins, then the second oldest was another firebender and the oldest an airbender (complete with a full head of hair and tattoos.

"Um…" Zuko said to the assembled females. "Thank you for saving me…" He felt immensely awkward at how they all were staring at him.

"Fire in the hole!" the servant burst out, clutching a helmet and prIntout. "New kissing scene alert!"

"They're… going to… _kiss_… and WE'LL BE HERE TO SEE IT!!!" one of the firebenders shrieked, starting the others off.

"Oh no…" Zuko whispered, slowly piecing the situation together as the girls began to foam at the mouth and Ma-Ree giggled. "NOT FANGIRLS! NO! WHY ME? WHY!!!"

* * *

A/N: Maybe because it's just so fun: ) Thanks for all your support! 

In Christ,

ZFF


	7. 7 Sues ASwooning

Disclaimer: If I owned Avatar, I'd make sure Wal-Mart had Appa, Momo, and four nations themed toe socks. (I don't own Wal-Mart, any songs mentioned, Palm Pilot(tm), or Avatar)

* * *

On the First Day of Christmas 

My fangirl gave to me

A fan-fiction about me.

---

On the Second Day of Christmas

My fangirl gave to me

Two new ships,

And a fan-fiction about me.

---

On the Third Day of Christmas

My fangirl gave to me

Three bending powers,

Two new ships,

And a fan-fiction about me.

---

On the Fourth Day of Christmas

My fangirl gave to me

Four conquered nations,

Three bending powers,

Two new ships,

And a fan-fiction about me.

---

On the Fifth Day of Christmas

My fangirl gave to me

Five… kissing scenes!

Four conquered nations,

Three bending powers,

Two new ships,

And a fan-fiction about me.

---

On the Sixth Day of Christmas

My fangirl gave to me

Six fans a-foaming,

Five… kissing scenes!

Four conquered nations,

Three bending powers,

Two new ships,

And a fan-fiction about me.

---

On the Seventh Day of Christmas

My fangirl gave to me

Seven 'Sues a swooning,

Six fans a-foaming,

Five… kissing scenes!

Four conquered nations,

Three bending powers,

Two new ships,

And a fan-fiction about me.

* * *

_Zuko sighed anguishedly. _**("Anguishedly" is not a word. Synonyms for anguish: suffering, torment, agony, torture, pain distress, grief, sorrow, angst. Try an adverbial prepositional phrase. –Chris) **_It hurt him so much that all six of the world's most powerful and coolest benders were now competing with Ma-Ree Su for his affections. When would they realize he was destined to be with Ma-Ree and they had a snowball's chance in _**Agni's throne room**_ with him? But everywhere he turned, there these incredibly gorgeous women were, trying to temp him away from Ma-Ree._

"_Oh, Ma-Ree! I don't know what to do, but these incredibly _**(what did synonyms ever do to you? Syns. for "incredibly": very, extremely, unbelievably, extraordinarily, amazingly, exceedingly, exceptionally, awfully, terribly, astoundingly, implausibly, inconceivably, absurdly. I suggest absurdly. –Em) **_gorgeous _**( ( Syns. for gorgeous: beautiful, stunning, elegant, attractive, striking, good-looking, dazzling, lovely, magnificent. –Chris) **_women won't leave me alone!" Zuko said to Ma-Ree Su._

"_Oh, Zuko! Let's elope!" Ma-Ree exclaimed.

* * *

_

"Yay!" Ma-Ree Su squeaked as she read the latest printout. Zuko burned it out of her hands.

"I'm Fire Lord again, and I've just set the world free from being Fire Nation territory. The world isn't too keen on seeing my face of late, so I'm not too keen on showing it. You can elope without me, though—I know a Water Tribe warrior or two you'd just adore. Their names are Sokka and Hahn—"

"'Scuse me, but this is a ZuSue fic. I'm not about to elope without you." The two glared at each other for a moment before a loud banging came to the door. Zuko's eye twitched.

"Back off, ya fangirl demons! He's mine!" Ma-Ree yelled. At that moment the same servant who always seemed to be the one bringing bad news dropped through a ventilation shaft. The shaft had been added to Zuko's office as a fire safety precaution to let the smoke from all the printouts he'd burned to vent out rather than choke those in the study.

"Boss—I've isolated five entry and exit points to your study. Also, I've consulted some people on a cure to fangirlism," he notified the monarch.

"No bad news this time?" Zuko asked, slightly taken aback.

"Other than the rabid fangirls attempting to break down your door and the Mary Sue staring daggers at me, things are fine."

"Hmm. That seems unusual," Zuko commented, rubbing his chin. Then from nowhere at all, apparently, the tune "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas" began playing. The Servant went slightly red and took out a palm-pilot.

"And now you have to serenade Ma-Ree Su in a public place," the servant notified Zuko as he scrolled through the automated notification.

"Your ringtone is 'I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas'?" Zuko asked.

"I hate to interrupt, but the fangirls are scratching through the door," Ma-Ree Su declared, pointing to the door which was, sure enough, being clawed through by fingernails identical to Princess Azula's.

Then the Servant's palm-pilot began playing "Mr. Grinch." He clicked on a few things with his stylus, and turned the device to show Zuko a video message from his little sister.

"_Hello, Zuko. As you can see, I treated your fangirls to services from my manicurist. Best Christmas wishes from Ba Sing Se! —Azula."_

Zuko watched the message from his sister fade around her smile like the Cheshire Cat's. His eye began twitching.

"Um, the only other song I have is 'Christmas Shoes,'" the Servant told Zuko. "So you'd probably start serenading soon."

Zuko groaned as the fangirls broke in and "Christmas Shoes" began playing.

"Why me?" he asked before beginning to sing. The Sues sat around him and swayed in time with the song.

* * *

A/N: Music chapter? –shrug– I regret nothing! Merry Christmas! 

-

In Christ,

ZFF


	8. 8 Vids APlaying

Disclaimer: I don't own Mountain Dew, Hershey, or Avatar.

On the First Day of Christmas

My fangirl gave to me

A fan-fiction about me.

On the Second Day of Christmas

My fangirl gave to me

Two new ships,

And a fan-fiction about me.

On the Third Day of Christmas

My fangirl gave to me

Three bending powers,

Two new ships,

And a fan-fiction about me.

On the Fourth Day of Christmas

My fangirl gave to me

Four conquered nations,

Three bending powers,

Two new ships,

And a fan-fiction about me.

On the Fifth Day of Christmas

My fangirl gave to me

Five… kissing scenes!

Four conquered nations,

Three bending powers,

Two new ships,

And a fan-fiction about me.

On the Sixth Day of Christmas

My fangirl gave to me

Six fans a-foaming,

Five… kissing scenes!

Four conquered nations,

Three bending powers,

Two new ships,

And a fan-fiction about me.

On the Seventh Day of Christmas

My fangirl gave to me

Seven 'Sues a swooning,

Six fans a-foaming,

Five… kissing scenes!

Four conquered nations,

Three bending powers,

Two new ships,

And a fan-fiction about me.

On the Eighth Day of Christmas

My fangirl gave to me,

Eight vids a-playing,

Seven 'Sues a swooning,

Six fans a-foaming,

Five… kissing scenes!

Four conquered nations,

Three bending powers,

Two new ships,

And a fan-fiction about me.

"Um… Mary? " Christine asked as she slowly opened her older sister's door. The cavern was lit only by the glow of a computer screen, magnified by half-empty liter bottles of Mountain Dew and the foiled wrappers of Hershey chocolate bars, various candles, and an eerie glow reflecting off of Mary's frameless glasses.

"_What…?"_ she hissed in a sleep-starved croak.

"Um, Mary? We're all really concerned—"

"Scared," Emily interrupted her twin. "Really scared for you."

"Mom says that if you're illegally downloading episodes again, she's taking your computer away and we're not allowed to say anything Avatar related around you," Christine warned er sister as she walked carefully into the secluded cavern and shifted piles of screenshot printouts off Mary's bed to sit down.

"And at least we have many other interests—but this looks kind of like a shrine," Emily said, blowing out one of the candles surrounding Mary's computer.

"_NO!" _Mary shrieked, seizing the nub and re-lighting it. "That candle represents Zuko's undying faithfulness to Ma-Ree Su…" The twins wore identical expressions somewhere between fearful concern and just plain freaked out. Christine, almost reflexively, reached out and flipped on the light switch. Mary shrieked a peal of unadulterated pain.

"_It burns… It burns!" _Mary rolled a bit on the floor in front of her computer and twitched some. Emily suppressed a laugh as Christine walked over to inspect the computer screen.

"So you have been illegally downloading Avatar episodes," Christine commented.

"No I haven't!" Mary said defiantly, sitting up and snapping out of her semi-vampiric state. "And don't tell Mom."

"How many vids have you made?" Emil asked, finally looking at the screen.

"Since yesterday? In a clear shot, about eight. Or eighteen. On all the caffeine and sugar, it gets kind of hard to tell," Mary answered, pulling a small ball of carpet lint from her hair.

"Umm… Yeah, we're going to have to tell Mom," Christine said.

"No! You can't!" Mary said, grabbing the hem of Christine's jeans as she stood.

Emily rubbed the bridge of her nose. "Mary—you spent at least nine hours—"

"Fourteen," Mary corrected.

"—Fourteen hours on caffeine, sugar, sleep deprivation, on a fangirling high to make Zuko fanvids. Do you think we aren't going to tell Mom?" Christine finished. Mary thought a moment before answering.

"Yes."

Christine and Emily stared. "Mom!" they called in unison.

"No!" Mary jumped to her feet and leapt to her bedroom door, slamming it shut. "Please—you know how I get with AWS!"

"Something along the lines of what you did last night happens, then youtube takes all your vids down and you do it all again until they suspend your "i 3zuko111" account and Mom demands you get out of the house, so you ride your bike to the library where you spend as long on avatar fansites as possible until Sharon throws you out. Then you jog for a while and come home and Mom thinks you spent the day exercising. Did I miss anything?" Christine listed as she tried to shake her older sister off.

Mary kept hold of Christine's leg as she racked her brain frantically for something Christine had left out. Emily grabbed Mary's feet and began attempting to pull the teenager off her twin's leg.

"Girls? Is something wrong?" they heard their mother's voice.

"We're having some disagreements over Mary's pulling a huge overnighter!" Emily called, pulling furiously. Mary's shoes came off in Emily's hands and she landed with a thud.

"Girls? Should I come in?" their mother asked.

"No!" Mary answered.

"We'll come and get you if we need any help," Christine said.

"Okay. Be safe," their mother added, a hint of a laugh in her voice.

The trio waited until they could no longer hear their mother and Mary beamed.

"I knew you wouldn't tell!" she said, letting go of her sister's leg to stand and properly hug her.

"We will tell if you don't do exactly as we say," Christine choked out from her sister's death grip. Mary's face fell somewhat and she sat down to receive her instructions. Christine and Emily stood side by side and began their list:

"No more candles representing qualities of a fictional character's personality. It's creepy."

"No more Mountain Dew and chocolate all-nighters. It's not healthy.

"Sleep at night. At least eight hours. And get exercise during the day!"

"Delete all the illegally downloaded episodes and run an antivirus system on your computer before you e-mail anyone."

"Delete the fanvids."

Mary listened and waited till her sisters were done. She nodded. "Will you two at least watch a few of the fanvids I worked so hard on before I delete them?" Emily and Christine looked at each other and, communicating in some language only twins knew, nodded simultaneously.

"Places everyone! We just finished the trailer adaptation for 'I Am Legend'—on to Mary's mini episode of 'The Bachelor'!" the Servant yelled, half to the world at large, half into the headset interfering with his topknot.

Zuko shed his lab coat as the assembled fangirls wiped off their monster makeup and went for sparkly dresses. Zuko went to his dressing room to burn his tux and delay production, though found himself not alone (and therefore, unable to claim convenient sabotage). He looked at the servant, who was busily checking things off of the clipboard he held.

"Well, it's better than a chapter, isn't it? So you had to do three Christmas music vids, a gag episode of Avatar, a promotion for Mountain Dew, and a trailer adaptation, but that means you only have two more vids to go," the Servant said, trying to sound optimistic.

"What comes after 'The Bachelor'?" Zuko asked as he tiredly opened the door to his dressing room.

"A promo vid for her fanfic," the Servant answered.

"Why me?" Zuko asked in a greatly sleep-deprived voice. "Why did she have to choose me?"

A/N: I know that the portions for Mary's section and Zuko's section aren't equal. That aside, I also know it's not the funniest chapter. Oh well. See you tomorrow!

In Christ,

ZFF


	9. 9 Alternate Chapters

Disclaimer: I own nothing here that most other ppl don't already own.

* * *

On the First Day of Christmas

My fangirl gave to me

A fan-fiction about me.

---

On the Second Day of Christmas

My fangirl gave to me

Two new ships,

And a fan-fiction about me.

---

On the Third Day of Christmas

My fangirl gave to me

Three bending powers,

Two new ships,

And a fan-fiction about me.

---

On the Fourth Day of Christmas

My fangirl gave to me

Four conquered nations,

Three bending powers,

Two new ships,

And a fan-fiction about me.

---

On the Fifth Day of Christmas

My fangirl gave to me

Five… kissing scenes!

Four conquered nations,

Three bending powers,

Two new ships,

And a fan-fiction about me.

---

On the Sixth Day of Christmas

My fangirl gave to me

Six fans a-foaming,

Five… kissing scenes!

Four conquered nations,

Three bending powers,

Two new ships,

And a fan-fiction about me.

---

On the Seventh Day of Christmas

My fangirl gave to me

Seven 'Sues a swooning,

Six fans a-foaming,

Five… kissing scenes!

Four conquered nations,

Three bending powers,

Two new ships,

And a fan-fiction about me.

---

On the Eighth Day of Christmas

My fangirl gave to me,

Eight vids a-playing,

Seven 'Sues a swooning,

Six fans a-foaming,

Five… kissing scenes!

Four conquered nations,

Three bending powers,

Two new ships,

And a fan-fiction about me.

---

On the Ninth Day of Christmas

My fangirl gave to me

Nine alternate chapters,

Eight vids a-playing,

Seven 'Sues a swooning,

Six fans a-foaming,

Five… kissing scenes!

Four conquered nations,

Three bending powers,

Two new ships,

And a fan-fiction about me.

* * *

_Zuko paced back and forth anxiously. He was very worried. He was going to ask Ma-Ree Su to marry him tonight. But— but…_

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Ma-Ree Su looked at Zuko anxiously. __She__ knew he was going to propose tonight but… he couldn't find her a ring. _

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Joo –Dee looked back and forth from Zuko to Ma-Ree Su. She knew that Zuko was going to propose and she could never be with him because… I mean, when someone could be with a hot girl like Ma-Ree, why would he want to be with her?_

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Meng and Joo-Dee looked enviously on as Zuko proposed to Ma-Ree Su and the two began to…_

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

"Mary? Are you writing fan-fiction? At a party?" Emily asked, plopping down next to her eldest sister. 

"Yes. Don't bother me—I'm in the zone," Mary said, deleting another version of the chapter that refused to be written.

"Oookaayy. I'm going to go find Christine now." Emily stood with a brush to her dark green blouse and black pants and left. Mary looked determinedly at her screen.

_"Ma-Ree… I'm sorry, but we can never be together…" the mind-__controlled__ Zuko told his true love. Joo-Dee and Meng cackled in the background._

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

Mary growled, arousing the attention of the family dachshund whom she was sharing the couch with and deleted another chapter. 

_"Oh, Zuko! Wouldn't it be fabulous if we were married? If only I could get back to my old world…" Ma-Ree Su said thoughtfully._

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

"I know she doesn't want to come back here when she could be in the Fire Nation," Mary murmured to herself. 

_"Ma-Ree?" Zuko asked over breakfast. "Wanna get married? I mean, it's not like there are any other gorgeous princes with hundreds of fangirls asking to marry you."_

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

"Hey, Mary," Christine said to her sister as she gently repositioned the small, fat dog to make room for herself. "Emily said you were having some troubles."

"Just writer's block. I'm trying to write Zuko's proposal chapter and it's not working," Mary said, taking off her glasses and massaging the bridge of her nose.

"Okay… what do you want out of the chapter?" Christine asked.

"Something to make my Mountain Dew withdrawal symptoms go away. Christine 'hmmed' thoughtfully and stood up with a brief, friendly wave from her sister.

_"Oh Zuko, when are we gonna get married? I mean, all your friends are married, and I—_

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

"—Am going to give you the ax if you don't cooperate and do what I need," Mary threatened as she deleted another chapter version. She looked up to see her younger sisters coming back. 

"Hey," Christine said, not sitting down. "We were hoping to give you a little push on the chapter so you'd be able to finish and come join the fun."

"And I brought you—" Emily began dramatically "—punch!" She drew a small plastic cup from behind her back and swished it around a bit for affect.

"Right…" Christine continued. "Anyway… We were thinking, just write your own dream proposal situation, and instead of some real guy proposing to you, it's Zuko proposing to your OC."

"And I added Mountain Dew to the punch when no one was looking," Emily added helpfully.

Mary grinned. "Thanks, guys," she said, accepting the cup.

* * *

Zuko led Ma-Ree Su by the hands through the Fire Nation's Royal Gardens. Ma-Ree Su would sigh in content every few moments and stare dreamily at the prince who would be forced to smile back at her. 

And completely not helping in any way was the Servant, who kept playing Disney love songs from a very nice miniature stereo and a data-stick of music that had been issued to him for the chapter.

Zuko, somehow without the faculty of his limbs, led the blonde to a gazebo made of solid gold in the bright orange dusk as "Kiss the Girl" (the crab version, of course,) began to play.

"Ma-Ree Su…" he began, the words crawling up his throat like three spine-covered bugs.

"Yes, Zuko?" Ma-Ree Su asked, breathily yet breathlessly at the same time.

"Wuh—wuh—wiiuh—" Zuko began to sweat profusely, gripping Ma-Ree's hand too tightly.

"Yes, Zu-muffin?" Ma-Ree said through teeth clenched in pain and tears of something in addition to joy.

"Will—will yuh—will you—" Zuko looked frantically around. The Servant stood behind Ma-Ree Su with cue cards, showing Zuko his next line in flashing letters.

"Zu-cakes?" Ma-Ree Su squeaked, pulling on his death-grip locked hands.

Zuko gladly threw her hands down and held his behind his back, looking out to the horizon at the quickly disappearing sun.

"Will… you…" Zuko said, despite every effort not to.

_"Will you—" _the Servant hissed, pointing at the next phrase on the card.

Zuko looked back at the horizon as the sun finally slipped out of view.

**"Willyoulookathetime!"** Zuko said in a rush, pointing ecstatically at the horizon. "The sun went down—the ideal engagement happens at dusk, and I simply won't tolerate less! Well, that's a wrap! We can try again later!" Zuko unceremoniously threw Ma-Ree Su out of the gazebo as the Servant pitched the cue cards into the water beneath the metal enclosure.

"And, by tomorrow," the Servant said, "Our dear author will have a new chapter to torment you with."

"Oh, why me?" Zuko groaned as he fell with excellent aim onto the cloth-of-gold cushion behind him. He rubbed at his scar as if the effort could take all his problems away.

* * *

A/N: You know, I had some of Mary's troubles writing this chapter. I actually changed this verse of the song. (It used to be nine fans spazzing. Since I did the foaming Sues, it seemed redundant.) 

In Christ,

ZFF


	10. 10 OCs ALeaping

Disclaimer: Any brand-name (or knockoff) products or shows named here are owned by people other than I.

* * *

On the First Day of Christmas 

My fangirl gave to me

A fan-fiction about me.

---

And all that other stuff…

---

On the Tenth Day of Christmas

My fangirl gave to me

Ten OCs a-leaping,

Nine alternate chapters,

Eight vids a-playing,

Seven 'Sues a swooning,

Six fans a-foaming,

Five… kissing scenes!

Four conquered nations,

Three bending powers,

Two new ships,

And a fan-fiction about me.

* * *

"What's got you so cheerful?" Mary's mother asked as the young author traipsed down the stairs into the kitchen at the bright early hour of eleven AM. 

"It's the last Saturday before Christmas," Mary said, helping herself to cranberry-apple juice and bacon.

"Mm-hmm. Your Dad's going out later to finish shopping. Do you have everything you need for everybody?" her mother asked, dobbing a bit of cookie dough onto a greased pan.

"Haven't gotten a thing," Mary answered, snatching a particularly small ball of cookie dough.

"No eating raw eggs in this house, Mary. Go get dressed and get ready to go out shopping with your father," Mary's mother said, good-naturedly yet sternly.

Mary went upstairs, donned a pair of comfortable jeans and a shirt of her sister's which her mother had accidentally put in her clean laundry. Mary loved the shirt's caption:

**Be careful, or you'll end up in my novel.**

---

"Can you believe these people?" Mary asked her father as they sat down in the food court of a nearby mall.

"Considering the state of service today, I can," he answered, breaking his chopsticks apart. "Though I'm not sure if it helped that you informed them they were going in a story when they had no idea what you were reffering to. And that just because your mother wore a specific perfume in the seventies doesn't mean it's uncool."

"They were annoying. And perfume doesn't become less cool because Mom wore it in the seventies."

---

"Hey, Mary," Christine said as she passed by her older sister's room. "Shouldn't you be wrapping or something?"

"Hmm? Oh, that. I'll do it after I'm done with this chapter. I'm writing about stupid people who work at the mall," Mary said, turning. "Have a look."

* * *

"I'm the Fire Lord, and I'm being forced to hop for a wedding that I won't even take part in," Zuko stated in an annoyed tone. 

"Yes, sir," the Servant answered as he sent several servants heavy laden with packages off to the palace to unload them. "Next is the florist."

---

"Yeah?" the college aged brunette asked, not bothering to stop blowing bubbles in her gum.

"We need panda-lilies," the Servant told the girl, pointing to the gigantic display of clearly labeled panda-lilies behind her. She merely stared blankly at him.

"HEY BOSS! DO WE SELL PAGODA-LILIES?" she yelled with all the finesse of a brick dipped in broken glass.

"Panda-Lilies!" Zuko informed her clearly. "Not pagoda-lilies."

"Oh…" the girl said with a look of dim comprehension. "HEY, LARRY! DO WE SELL PANDA-LILLIES?"

"Your store is called the Panda-Lilly Pagoda," the Servant said, his patience obviously shortening.

"Oh…" the girl said, finally putting her magazine down. "We call them volcano-weeds. You want some?" The servant turned around, following Zuko out of the shop.

---

"No way, loozr! Zutara is so the bomb, one one one!" one clerk said giddily to another.

"Tcha right! You know Maiko's the sweetness, all the way, noob!" the second defended.

"Excuse me," Zuko said coming to the counter. "I need to buy some food for a large event."

"Okay, just one thing first—" the second girl said. "Look, if Zuko were here right now, he'd tell you he's, like, so in love with Mai.

"Excuse me—" Zuko said.

"What are you talking about?" a male clerk said, coming behind the counter. "Did you guys see the way he looked at Jin? No way he likes anyone else.

"Shut up, Blake," the two clerks said, finally turning to Zuko. "What can I help you with?"

"SHUT UP!" a passing customer in a uniform for another store yelled, running over to Zuko.

"I haven't been able to get a word in edgewise!" he yelled in frustration.

"You're Fire Lord Zuko!" the clerk from another store squeaked. "You're—like—getting married to Ma-Ree Su!"

"Hah!" a fourth clerk from the shop Zuko was currently in yelled. "I told you he didn't like any of your ships!"

Zuko stormed out of the shop muttering about nukes and ships.

---

"Um, we don't have that fragrance. You might try _Souzin's_ department store for it," a clerk girl told Zuko when he asked for a specific perfume Ma-Ree Su had asked for.

He trudged on to the department store, where two clerk girls told him the Fragrance City boutique would have it.

He went to Fragrance City, where they said they didn't have it either.

Zuko trudged back to the palace and told Ma-Ree Su that there weren't any food, flowers, or fragrances ready or promised yet because the shopping district was loaded with imbeciles. On her authority as self proclaimed Future Fire Lady, Ma-Ree Su had anyone who had inconvenienced Zuko hunted down and forced to walk through a pit of scorpion-crabs while wearing leather shoes. In the pit spaced a meter and a half apart were spider-crab free blocks a yard high, for those who would rather leap around in the pit than walk through it.

"Eh," Zuko answered when asked for a comment. "It's the author's fault, not hers."

* * *

A/N: I know it's not my best chapter. Next one I promise will be downright hilarious. And sorry about chapter 8 coming late—I could have sworn I put that one in on time (though it was giving me trouble when trying to put it up). 

Merry Christmas!

In Christ,

ZFF


	11. 11 Shippers Shipping

Disclaimer: I own only a miniscule part of ship Zutara. That's about it.

* * *

On the First Day of Christmas 

My fangirl gave to me

A fan-fiction about me.

---

And all that other stuff

---

On the Eleventh Day of Christmas

My fangirl gave to me

Eleven shippers shipping,

Ten OCs a-leaping,

Nine alternate chapters,

Eight vids a-playing,

Seven 'Sues a swooning,

Six fans a-foaming,

Five… kissing scenes!

Four conquered nations,

Three bending powers,

Two new ships,

And a fan-fiction about me.

* * *

"Hey, Mary? Mom just told Christine and me about this Avatar marathon that's going to be on later, if you're not going all obsessed again," Emily said as she poked her head into her eldest sister's room. "What are you doing?" 

"Well, for Zuko's wedding, he needs to break from all past relationships—whether they were real ships or not. So I'm writing a pre-wedding party scene so he can break from all his past ties. And I promised these shipper people to have something for them."

"Okay…" Emily said, slowly backing away as Mary turned back to her computer.

* * *

Zuko grinned as he accepted a cup of eggnog from his uncle. This was no bachelor party—he wasn't getting married, anyway, and it wasn't like this obsessed fangirl would give him anything like that. So here he was—at a party with tea and eggnog and assorted friends and not so much friends. 

And a certain unnamed servant whose job seemed to be managing the Young Fire Lord.

"Dinner!" that certain servant called, ushering people to seats. As he led Zuko to his seat, the Servant gave him a brief report on how the night would go. "As dinner progresses, eleven women with whom ties are to be cut will rotate through the seat on your right." Zuko rolled his eyes at the obvious writer's device as he took his seat.

The first woman was Mai, and behind her a teenager dressed in black with a few chains on her pants.

"And the reviewer responsible will be there to represent her or his ship," the Servant added. "They have one statement before the next ship rotates in." The two raven haired teens nodded and looked back to Zuko.

"You're lucky you're not really upstaging me with some half-baked Mary-Sue," Mai began.

"Or you'd suffer consequences from Maiko authors so terrible that you'd beg for the cold reprieve of a slow, horrible death," the teenager finished. "That is all," she added.

Zuko looked after them with an expression of repressed worry as the Servant rotated them out with Katara and a tall girl with a dark brown bob with red streaks.

"Well," the author started. "Even the worst Zutara fics—not mentioning any names—are nowhere near as bad as this."

"At least we know what he did to deserve it," Katara offered. The author beamed and nodded her support as they rotated out.

"Hope this Sue appreciates your Uncle," Toph stated simply as she and her author rotated in. The short girl behind her simply nodded and tossed her glossy braids.

Zuko raised an eyebrow as Suki and an average height blonde rotated in. "They ship me with you?" he asked.

"The fan fiction and fan-art is pretty cool," the blonde defended. "Way better than this stuff at the very least."

"And this seemed to be nice retribution for burning our village to the ground," Suki said. Next was Ty Lee.

"I'm new to this," her curly haired fangirl said. "I've only shipped it since 'The Beach.' But at least ZuLee has more going for it than this blonde you're paired with."

"Oh well," Ty Lee said in a chipper manner, rotating out.

"I know that this girl doesn't mean more to you than Jin," an auburn haired girl who barely looked to be a teenager told Zuko.

"Yeah—is she from the circus too?" Jin asked before standing

"Who in the world are you?" Zuko asked while the next girl came up. She was a college aged girl with long black hair and something that looked mildly like a suit made casual wear; next to her was a platinum blonde in a strapless dress.

"It's an AU ship," the girl informed him. "But much more likely than this junk."

"I don't get it either," Yue said with a shrug. "I'll go join the small crowd around Sokka now."

"Oh come on!" Zuko yelled as June and another girl with chains on her pants walked up

"Tch—I'm only here because they paid me," June said, not bothering to sit down.

"And I needed a laugh," her author said with an amused shrug. Zuko rubbed the bridge of his nose as the Servant came running past muttering 'oh-no's. Zuko looked to where he seemed to be running—the small crowd around Sokka.

"Yukka's dead! Bury it and move on! He loves Suki!" the Sukka fangirl yelled from the bare knuckle fist fight that had ensued from the shippers being gathered in one place.

"SERVANT!" Zuko called. Said person came running, giving the impression of a dog in deep trouble. "Why are Sukka, Yukka, Ty Lokka, and Tokka shippers fighting? Why are they even here? And why for the love of tea is the Water Tribe imbecile here to incite this riot?"

"Oh goodness… she's using her moon powers…" the Servant said distractedly. Zuko's low growl brought his attention back to the Fire Lord's questions. "Um… these girls happen to have secondary ships… and Katara brought her brother. Oh—Ma-Ree Su has threatened to crash the party."

"Viva la Zutara!" the Zutara fangirl yelled, using Sokka's sword to block a volley of knives which the Maiko fangirl had thrown.

"Never!" both Mai and her fangirl yelled, throwing various sharp objects.

"Zuko?" Ma-Ree Su asked, walking up behind him.

"One moment please," Zuko replied, grabbing the Servant's collar. "I have a single important question, you—why me?" The servant shrugged and ran off to mediate the Suki vs. Yue vs. Ty Lee vs. Toph battle ensuing over the drinks table. Katara cheered Toph on though often complimented anyone who got a good hit on Ty Lee. Sokka was preoccupied with trying to retrieve his sword from the Zutara fangirl, who was now combating with the combined forces of Ships ZuJune and Maiko.

Unbeknownst to any of them an author sat in one corner laughing herself silly.

* * *

A/N: I'm so sorry this took so long. Stuff tends to cram my days chock full. XP One more chapter (today), and that's it, folks! 

In Christ,

ZFF


	12. 12 MINUTES OF PEACE

A/N: It's here! Merry Christmas: )

* * *

On the Twelfth Day of Christmas… 

My fangirl gave to me…

_**Twelve minutes of peace!**_

Eleven shippers shipping,

Ten OCs a-leaping,

Nine alternate chapters,

Eight vids a-playing,

Seven 'Sues a swooning,

Six fans a-foaming,

Five… kissing scenes!

Four conquered nations,

Three bending powers,

Two new ships,

And a fan-fiction about me.

* * *

Mary's eyes glowed as she opened her sisters' combined gift—DVDs of Avatar and PJs! She squealed at the items, unfolding the blue pajamas carefully in sheer anticipation. 

"Sokka was all they had," Christine said. Sure enough, the pajama shirt was a comfy tee with Sokka on it and the bottoms were covered with little boomerangs.

"I love them!" Mary told her sisters, gathering them into a hug.

---Later---

"Hey Mary—you finishing up your Zuko fan-fiction?" Emily asked, plopping down onto the bean bag chair by the door.

"I think I'm about done with being a Zuko fangirl," Mary said, turning away from her computer. Emily stared, slightly bug-eyed for a breath, then called for Christine. The other twin came.

"Mary says she's done being a Zuko fangirl…" Emily said in awe.

"Okay…" Christine said. "You sure?" Mary nodded happily.

"I made the decision roughly twelve minutes ago. I'm happy with it. It's my New Year's Resolution."

* * *

"It's quiet… Too quiet…" Zuko muttered to himself as he crept through the barren halls of his palace. 

"Sir?" the servant asked, nearly making Zuko jump out of his skin. "You're needed." Zuko cautiously followed the Servant.

The Servant led him to an oratory balcony. Ma-Ree Su stood off to one side, dressed in blue and carrying a suitcase. Below the balcony was an enormous crowd—citizens, visitors, wounded shippers, fans, authors, and assorted others.

"Well, Zuko, my author has decided to become a Sokka fangirl. We're through. Merry Christmas, Fire Lord," Ma-Ree Su said, extending a hand for him to shake. Zuko smiled the largest smile of his life and shook her hand heartily. The crowd erupted into cheers.

"I'm FREE!" Zuko told the crowds as he felt the author's new bending powers bleeding off. The crowd cheered again and began singing Christmas carols.

* * *

A/N: Thanks so much! Glad you enjoyed it! If I'm so inclined next year it will probably be Sokka's Twelve Days of Christmas. And to those who are interested: 

Thanks to Juria and imaginary girl of the future for adding it to their favorites.

Thanks to EmpressYam, imaginary girl of the future, pureangel86, and superkawaiifoxy for alerting on it.

Thanks to BlindBandit51, WhiteFlame-XIII, pureangel86, EmpressYam, superkawaiifoxy, imaginary girl of the future, zutara luver, and crazyzukofangirl1280 for reviewing!

Thanks to everyone else who made up the 1390+ hits! -o.0- You're awesome! Merry Christmas!

In Christ,

ZFF


End file.
